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Nov. 5th, 2011 @ 03:52 pm Shifting to a new blog site.


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This is going to my final post in this blog page. I used to spend a lot of time here complaining about word and what this blog ended up with is all the negativity that I can brought home from work. I've started a new page and I hope on just like a new blog, I can start my life with a new note. Ciao!
For whoever that may be interested, this is the address to my new blog.
http://emoturtlet.wordpress.com.

Adieu. :)

Sep. 23rd, 2011 @ 11:12 pm Impressed with myself


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I'm feeling...: amused

amused

This is really going to be a brief post.

Just came home from dinner with a ex-colleague that came back from Indonesia. Through our conversations, I'm very pleased to know that she is happy where she is now as compared to where she was and that is our current work place. I guess it's back to the same point. The very reason why I haven't been blogging for the past 2 year.

Too busy.

Busy with what? Marking.. Endless of them.

Of course, one gets to decide how much to mark, how much work to give. How much to care. The last being the most difficult decision. Caring any lesser does not make us any less human but it bites our conscience. So much so that it makes me feel super uncomfortable. So I take it out on myself, make myself sit down to mark and go through their work. And when I'm done, I end up in bruises, not real ones but ego bruises (when they dont understand a single thing i taught and wrote crap for their homework), perhaps mental bruises (from trying to guess what they wrote when their handwriting is near illegibility), bruises on my heart (some kids just dont have the aptitude.. worst, attitude to take the subjects that i teach) so why bother?

recently, i'm letting go. slowly but surely. i'll do what my core business is. other tasks can wait. other roles can wait.

and when i'm done, i'll move on. i hope i made the right decision. looking forward to a brighter tomorrow.

Mar. 8th, 2010 @ 07:35 pm depressed...


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I think this is the only sane thing i m doing right now.. have been in a struggle as to whether or not im doing the right thing. i feel that im a living lie.. or am i living a lie? it is all too blurry now.. i tried to stay in tuned but i realised it's the heart over the mind.. i dun feel it at all. i cant bring myself to do it at all.. my mind tells me to finish what needs to be done and get over this buggling thought of leaving.. anyway i cant leave isnt it? yet my heart tells me to abandon what needs to be done and go. just do it.. sucks.. i dun like it at all.

love sitting by the door and the wind brush against my skin. keeps me clear headed. not so clouded with all those negative thoughts..

is it a waste of my time? i feel that way. at the end of the day, there's that much we can do. guess they just trusted the wrong person. i lost my way. i need to get out of this mess. will just do it in due time then.

Mar. 4th, 2010 @ 12:30 am Down


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I'm feeling...: pui

I just realised that I will only blog when something is bothering me... other times, this blog is just a mere standby. sigh..

feeling very very down. since the beginning of the week. neighbour told me it's coz we're nearing the end of the term and that many are already feeling the weight since there's so much happening in the first term. the sec one open house, thinking day poster making, thinking day marching contingent, speech day coming up.. are we teachers or event organiser? Sometimes i would like to think that i'm a little of everythin becoz it's a fact tho it's rarely reflected in our resume if we ever do a career switch...

talking about career switch... the outside world is beckoning.. as much as i want to move on, i can only say my inertia is huge... HUGE is absolutely the right word. i cant even get started on writing a resume.. sigh. i m so glad the march holidays is approaching. so glad.. that finally i can take a break without feelin guilty but how much can i rejuvenate during this break? i wonder if it is enough to last me through the 2nd term til june. omg..

such a daunting journey.. i would love to have a little more motivation at work but it's just too hard... it's not that i hate the job. i dont. i just dont wanna continue at it or mayb i just need a change to inject some excitment into my life. sticking with the same job scope makes me kinda stagnant. and dun even get me started on my promo-in-lieu. it's like never-coming.. wah~

oh well.. enough of whining... get back to marking.. another endless task that just piles up everyday. who wouldn't b sick of it?? i applaud all teachers who actually see joy in marking students' work. b it good work or sucky pieces, i dont. not even a bit. yuck. pui.

Dec. 28th, 2009 @ 07:07 am Last day in USA


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Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Jul. 20th, 2009 @ 11:17 pm


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Current Location: in my cosy homey... far away from hell...
I'm feeling...: uncomfortable

upset

I can totally understand why some little children dread school. It demands too much of them, too much of their time, too much of their effort, too much of their strength and focus. And i'm not just referring to pre school kids, perhaps the pri sch kids too, the sec sch kids and mayb some adults. i think i'm one such person.

i dread work.

my expectations of the job and what my job expects of me is totally not aligned. it's way off... or rather what my job expects of me far exceeds my expectations of the job. i'm drained and bogged down by a lot of backlogging.. and they cant seem to clear coz it's a day-to-day basis kinda thing...

no available resources, children wailing as though they have to be fed... it's really getting on my nerves.. endurance is the key to survival. but how long can one stay sane in such an environment?

when i look at young vibrant new colleagues, i wonder if they'll end up like me in a years' or 2's time. it's sad but true.. only when u truly love ur job will u live through it, sail through it and perhaps breeze through it.

i don't. darn.

i'm bonded for another one and half years.

looking forward to freedom instead of being stuck in a rut.

Jul. 5th, 2009 @ 08:41 pm interesting events that spices up my life as human..


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I'm feeling...: relaxed

relaxed

this is old news but i really din have time to blog so here goes.... in order of which the event took place..

1st: it's the 2nd time my mum washed my top til it's torn.. the first time she was brutal, the whole top cant be worn and it's simple too torn to keep... this time round not too bad tho... sigh..

2nd: has sumptous dinner with siyi. it's yummy. portion is huge. but wouldn't really eat it again coz it's crepes.. kinda had the notion that that is for dessert so.. yup. gd to experience it as a first timer.

3rd: met a lizard on my way out. wanted to snap a closer pic but it's jus too camera shy..

4th: my little dog's candid shots...

the peek a boo

"i-didn't-do-it !"

zZZ...

surprise gift! haha.. got a pleasant surprise! it looks like a sanitary pad but it's actually marshmallow packed in such an interesting manner. thank you k! :

Jun. 20th, 2009 @ 01:32 am It's so easy to feel low over something you care for so much just becoz it's not there...


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I'm feeling...: numb

numb

I think I'm getting more and more disillusioned now. Here's a toast to all who doesn't respect others' time.

i can totally understand how it feels like to look forward to something and not achieving it becoz someone was just not there.

it hurts coz i care. perhaps too much. i'm very simple-minded. i don't ask for much. i know who are those i hold close to my heart. and i treasure u all. and i will try my best to make sure i will not waste any single bit of ur time spent with me becoz i want to make all the time we spent together worth remembering, esp the good ones, in times to come. but when such efforts taken by me to try to work things out are not appreciated, simply brushed aside becoz of the amount of committment and time you have to spent on some other pple which obviously has more priority than me, i'm speechless. you shrug the accountability of being punctual away. i guess i din matter, we din matter. as long as u are happy where u were and attended to all that is impt in ur life.

i received a msg from a fren who esp made the trip to be present. "it takes all to make the event successful" i was touched. really. i m glad i m ur fren. i feel treasured. i feel impt. thank you for making me feel that way. it's a good feeling.

i guess this is the 2nd time i was hurt. by caring too much. i should just stop. why cant i even do that? when can i let go? freaking pissed off with myself. i m a retard. i m a sadist. i love hurting myself.. NOT!

i love to have u as a fren. i want u to be part of my life. but u are simply not there.

Jun. 12th, 2009 @ 10:58 pm nail art


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I'm feeling...:

satisfied

finally had the time to get down to doing my own nails and here's the final product:

so proud of myself.. though it's pretty easy but i shall give myself a pat on the back for the time and effort put into it. :D

Jun. 3rd, 2009 @ 10:39 pm emotional...


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I'm feeling...: moody

moody

The mind is weak... blame it on the quiet nights...

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